Posts tagged painting
Posts tagged painting
The Irritating Gentleman - Berthold Woltze
I know that feel, Painting Lady.
My bus ride to and from work every day.
They never published the second picture, which was the one where she backhanded him in the fucking face for getting all up in her shit.
Oh great, good to know this has been a problem for HUNDREDS OF YEARS CAN WE PLEASE STOP DOING THIS ALREADY JUST FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE
Everyone is overlooking something very significant in this picture, that I saw in two seconds, that adds a layer of super slime to his whole awful attitude. “The Irritating Gentleman” is a politeness.
She’s wearing all black in 1874. Black gloves, hat, cloak, and dress. In public. The whole nine yards. That’s not a fashion choice or a gothic thing. Back then when people wore all black like that, they were in mourning for someone who died. No one did mourning like the Victorians, that shit was an art form to them.
Someone in her family has died—she could even be a young widow. No one’s accompanying her either. With the carpet bag? She’s traveling alone while still in deep mourning. Look at the closeup. She’s got tears in her eyes. She is upset, devastated in a way that one is only when someone has died. And the guy’s still bothering her, like her problems are flippant bullshit and she needs to just smile or pay attention to him because ladies are supposed to be pleasing for men no matter what shit they’re going through. That’s not a look of “what an ass.” That’s a look of devastation that even in her pain, she’s expected to give people like him focus. She’s not mad. She’s hurt. And to add insult to injury? Everyone would be able to tell. It was a clear sign and still is in ways that someone is mourning, to dress in black crepe like that. He would know why she’s wearing all black, and he’s still demanding her attention.
What an insufferable dick.
The all black get-up signalled something deeply awful was going on.
Can we just talk about this ridiculous painting for a moment?
Bouguereau is pretty ridiculous to start with, what with his gigantic, hyper-rendered paintings (if you’ve ever stood in the presence of one, you know what I mean, they’re like portals to a softly-lit alternate Victorian dimension)
But this… this is just complete silliness. Bouguereau spent the majority of his life painting milky-skinned young ladies and then I guess one day he got fed up with that hetero nonsense and said FUCK IT.
BAM! HOMOEROTICA all over the place. I mean, this is the gayest fucking painting I’ve ever seen. Even that demon knows what’s up, he’s all “look how gay this shit is, Dante. Just look.”
Even Virgil - who all through ‘The Inferno’ is the staunch support whom Dante leans upon - looks like he’s about to vomit his Victorian sensibilities everywhere. Bougeureau, you fool, Virgil was an ancient Roman poet. If he had the technology, he’d be videotaping this. Clearly Bouguereau never read ‘The Aeneid’ which has some of the loveliest references to men in love you’re likely to find outside of a fanfiction forum. And all that aside, it’s like Virgil and Dante switched places. All through ‘The Inferno’ Dante is a crying, girly mess and Virgil is always patting him on the shoulder and saying “Hell sucks, dude,” not the other way around.
Disregarding everything I just said, Virgil’s offended little face here is Andromalius up down and sideways.
Let’s all look at this because it’s important.
THERE IS DANTE ON MY DASH AND IT’S NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY.
However, I have to dispute the OP’s characterization of the Vergil. While Dante’s Virgil was a vigorous, manly spirit of great strength (bridal-carrying a 14th century poet is no joke when you don’t have a body), the historical Vergil was pretty regularly mocked as a limp-wristed lemonade-sipping effete. His nickname in school was Parthenias (“maiden” in Greek), and even the variant spelling of his name, “Virgil,” started as a pun on “virgo” - the virgin. Also, the guy wrote one of the great backhanded compliments of all time in the Aeneid, and then didn’t even have the stones to publish it. He ordered it burned when he died.
TL;DR: VIRGIL WAS A BADASS, BUT VERGIL WAS TOTALLY A WILTING FLOWER WHO’D BE PUT OFF BY A LITTLE THING LIKE A DUDE RIPPING SOMEONE’S THROAT OUT WITH HIS TEETH.
Mucho props to megalosaur’s impressive knowledge of Virgil, and for filling in that rather fascinating bit of history. But… oh god, why is this stupid post of mine getting around again? I wrote this months ago for no good reason without much thought and obviously a severe lack of adequate research, mostly as the sort of throwaway nonsense that I didn’t think anybody would ever look at.
Several hundred notes later, I’ve learned my lesson about posting inept nonsense on the internet at the wee hours of the morning.
Still… that demon’s face. Seriously.
I love when art and lit discussions pop up on my dash.
That demon. I want this painting in my apartment for that face. And Dante’s horrified face.
It is amazing the number of talented hyperrealist artists out there. In this post, you can see another fine example: the work of Javier Arizabalo. The way he paints skin textures is just exquisite, and his lighting is beautiful in each composition.
THIS IS PORN.
^^^ SHOULD HAVE TAGGED THIS, MAN
I QUIT ART
I wish I had the sources to trace back to the artist.
There you go! These are stunning paintings.
Andrea Mantegna, The Agony in the Garden
“Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck, cloud babies, you gotta help me hide these bodies!”
Rembrandt, Abduction of Ganymede
Yup, that baby is definitely pissing himself with fear. Now that’s the kinda attention to disgusting, disturbing detail that truly made Rembrandt a master.
Still Life with Skull Simon Luttichuijs ca.1635-40
For a second, I thought this was a photograph. That paper looks so real.
So does that skull! Look at that mastoid process! Simon painted paintings in his painting. That’s pretty hardcore.
This is the Chromatic Typewriter, my entry to the 2012 West Prize competition. The prize is awarded via popular vote this year. Click [here] to get to the West Collection and to download the West Collection app. The app will let you browse the amazing entries and to vote on
this pieceyour favorites. Fellow artists: It’s not too late to submit your own work!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! This is so cool!
This guy did more in under seven minutes than I have done ALL DAY.
Dang. I am so inspired!