Posts tagged ungh
Posts tagged ungh
[Nicolas-André Monsiau - “Medea Rejuvenates Aeson”]
Mythology time: What the fuck did you think was going to happen, Jason?
Because I am now off on a small mental tangent about the “No, seriously, guys, what the fuck did you think was going to happen?” stories, you’re getting a post about Jason. Well, more accurately, you’re getting a post about Medea, and seriously, what the fucking fuck was Jason thinking, trying to dick this woman over.
So, Jason gets sent on a murder-quest by his throne-stealing dickface of an uncle. Stated objective: Bring back the golden fleece. Real objective: You die one of a million ways, and I keep the throne. Dude gets halfway through the murder-quest, miraculously unmurdered, and then gets set some labors-of-Hercules bullshit if he wants the fleece. Does it occur to him to maybe just steal the fleece? It does not. It does not, in much the same way it does not occur to him to just face-stab his usurping uncle, who by the way also murdered the fuck out of all Jason’s older siblings. Dude has it coming, precedent’s been set, but I guess sure, fuck it, let’s round up the ancient Greek version of the Doom Patrol and sally forth.
The labors of Hercules shit is beyond Jason. Jason is…kind of a shitty hero. He just is. I’m sorry if you feel differently, but the dude’s crap at heroing. Even his tragic downfall is completely crap. Is he driven mad by the gods or told a plausible lie by trusted servants or poisoned by a doting but insecure wife? Hahahaha, of course not. His superpowers are persuading other heroes to join his crew, the gods really hating his uncle, and maybe being handsome. This dude is not going to beat death into submission or loot hell, is what I’m saying.
So, because the gods want him to succeed to annoy his awful uncle, they have Medea fall in love with him.
(John William Waterhouse - “Jason and Medea” (1907))
Medea proceeds to walk him through everything from oxen made of fire to a magic army to a fucking dragon.
Does this sound like the sort of woman whose heart you want to break? No? That is because you are a sane person. Medea then also, just to show she wasn’t fucking around, butchered her brother. Well, okay, there was a more practical reason, but I have to assume that she also had one eye on this guy and was all “Consider this a pre-nup.”
They get home with the fleece, but the odds of Uncle Backstab letting this go are slim. Medea tricks the dude’s own daughters into slaughtering him like a sheep. It should be pointed out that she does this by butchering an actual (old, decrepit) sheep and bringing it back to life, only as a hale and hearty young sheep. Because she is fucking terrifying.
Above: Reason 7,972 not to piss this woman off.
She doesn’t bring Backstabber McGee back to life, though, and somehow Backstabber McGee, Jr. manages to drive Jason and her into exile over the death. I’m just going to assume the dude was actually Medusa riding a dragon, strapped to the kraken. It’s the only way I see this getting pulled off.
They settle in Corinth, in exile, because why the fuck not. The king of Corinth (Creon the Poor Decisionmaker) decides that the best thing he could possibly do with his nubile daughter is marry her to Jason. The Jason who is currently married to Medea, the Wicked Witch of the Holy Shit Dude, Murder and Flaming Bulls, You Have to Have Heard about This By Now, Why Are You Antagonizing Her?.
Jason, because he is bad at success, thinks this is awesome. And tells Medea that this is what’s happening now. She reminds him that he kind of owes her, about which he is a huge dick because he is bad at living, and tells her that technically, he kind of owes Aphrodite, because it’s not like Medea would have loved him otherwise. This is, in modern terms, like your douchebag ex showing up with his new girlfriend, with whom he was cheating on you, to your birthday party and then having sex with her on your fancypants birthday cake. And your friends can’t even go get you a new cake, one that’s just for you, because that was the last of that cake in the store and they need 48-hours notice for custom orders.
So Medea reminds him of the brother-dismemberment pre-nup by setting his fiancee and father-in-law on fire, by means of poison. Again: She poisoned them so hard they caught on fire.
Medea also kills the two children she had by him, because why should he have anything left to live for after this bullshit?
Above: Sorry, kids, your dad’s a douchebag.
Do you want to know how she fled the scene? In a flying chariot. A flying chariot pulled by dragons.
To go try to kill Theseus, because of reasons, and then go back to her dad’s place, because it had actually turned into her uncle’s place, and fuck that, she has met very few relatives she’s not willing to straight-up kill. So she kills her uncle, gets her dad back on the throne, and spends the rest of her days living a metal album cover kind of life.
Jason, who lost the “gods love him” part of his superpower because divorce, and the “being handsome” part because he’s getting a little old at this point, and the “getting people to join up” part because, uh, everybody’s on fire, eventually does get his throne back, and passes it onto his son.
And then dies when the Argo falls apart and lands on him, which I can tell you would not have fucking happened if he hadn’t been such an asshole to the dragon-riding sorceress who can bring the dead back to life. I mean, she did him the solid of rejuvenating his dad before they had to flee the city, you know?
If nothing else, she would have resurrected him just so she didn’t have to live with the embarrassment of having been married to someone who died by the literal rotting symbol of their past glories and prowess smashing them like a bug. (Though more likely it would have been to avoid awkward questions about why she’s not raising him from the dead when everyone knows she can raise people in general from the dead, were there maybe some problems in the bedroom?)
Not that I wasn’t already on board with the tone of this from the top, but the line “He was bad at success” is going to stay with me for a while. :)
What this amazing person forgot to acknowledge, for people who might not have known who Medea is before reading this, is that in the traditional narrative Medea is the one who is painted as a villain and a vengeful monster. Oh, Poor Jason. He has to be married to Medea. Oh no, Medea is upset and trying to ruin poor Jason’s life. Can’t someone just get rid of Medea? When really NO. NO. Medea put up with SO. MUCH. SHIT.
Discovery Channel, we need to talk.
There’s nothing as tragic as seeing an old friend destroy their life, putting trash in their body, a ruined shell of their former self filled with nothing but wasted junk. They chase a drug that they don’t want to get a buzz they’ll never get again. For one old friend, that high is ratings, the drug is Shark Week, and the part of Lindsay Lohan is played by the Discovery Channel.
Since 1987, Discovery has been bringing sharks into our living rooms for one week a year. Exploring their incredible biology, misunderstood behavior, and terrifying image through a scientific camera lens. Well, they have thrown that mission away. It’s official. With this year’s fake-but-disguised-as-real mockumentary about the definitely-extinct Megalodon shark, they have officially jumped their own programming.
Last night, to kick off Shark Week, Discovery aired a program full of supposed home video footage that allegedly captured an enormous, never-seen shark. Could it be the terrifying prehistoric Megalodon, haunting the deep this whole time, right under our noses?
No, of course not. That thing’s extinct as extinct can be. Failing to make that clear to your audience, and interviewing actors as scientists is as bad as Animal Planet’s Mermaids fiasco. Discovery Channel now stands solely for entertainment, not science. So it goes, I guess.
We’ve lost science in our newspapers, on our radios, even in a good number of our schools. Discovery was founded to use the creative freedom of cable television to bring science to the airwaves. Now they have thrown it away, with a fantasy story presented as reality, lying to viewers for the sake of ad dollars.
Here’s some collected reactions:
- Christie Wilcox tears Discovery a new one for the Megalodon dud, especially the BS disclaimer they ran in 0.12 point font.
- Wil Wheaton is pissed too, and no one wants to see someone so smart and wonderful be sad, do they?
- Discovery’s Facebook post asking what people thought of the Megalodon show is not to miss. See if you can find a single positive comment! I couldn’t.
"Oh, don’t worry about it," you might say. “They’re just trying to make something entertaining, who cares?" you may think. This is a big deal. This means that dozens of people, when designing their flagship programming week, made a deliberate choice to present a lie as truth, because they don’t think you are smart enough to be entertained by the truth.
Tell Discovery what you think by visiting their Facebook page and Twitter page. Do not give them another dollar/minute of your TV time until they apologize, and even then think twice because you know how addictions go. It’s time to tell them that you deserve better.
Want real, truthful, respectful shark science this week? I suggest checking out NatGeo Wild’s SharkFest programming (made with real science!) and my friend and marine scientist David Shiffman’s sharktastic Twitter feed.
Discovery Channel … this is an intervention. We’re here as friends, we’re concerned that you’re going to do damage to yourself that you can’t undo, and we want our old channel back. Stop insulting the intelligence of the audience you claim to serve, and get your shit together. If you chum the water with crap, this is what swims to the surface.
Do you agree to check into scientific rehab today?
The following text is from phillipcody.
The Disney Store is now selling this racist consumerist garbage. This is precisely why all of Disney’s and Johnny Depp’s claims that they respect Native Americans and that they have been “making good” with Indians is total horseshit. Disney will make hundreds of millions of dollars off of the film and merchandise, and Depp will cash his massive paycheck, and Native peoples will be left with the continued legacy of misinformation and racist imagery.
If you’ve ever wondered what American Indians really think about Tonto, and not just what Disney claims we think about the character, here is some further reading to consider: An Open Letter to Johnny Depp’s Tonto and Johnny Depp as Tonto: I’m Still Not Feeling ‘Honored’
I urge one and all to boycott this movie and all of its merchandise.
I am in PAIN over today’s ruling. I love RBG so much.
Verbinski and Depp, of course, worked together on the Pirates of the Caribbean flicks, and it looks like their chemistry has returned here – albeit in a Western and with a character that could be controversial. The question remains: Will Tonto come off as a Native American stereotype, or will the film find a way to do something more nuanced with the character, which was originally created in the 1930s?
1. The character from the 30’s was named *Tonto.* (dim witted/dumb/stupid) It was the 30’s. The Lone Ranger was horribly prejudiced.
2. They have a white man dressed up in brownface as a white man’s idea of what an American Indian hero support character is—interestingly it involves a lot of white grease paint. This is a train wreck.
This is so frustrating because they COULD have taken this opportunity to improve upon the source material. They really could. They could have taken legitimate steps to break out of the clishe “cowboys and indians” dichotomy in a Western movie, but instead it is more of the same. This is the worst caricature of racist stereotypes in clown makeup.
So I saw a post on how American Apparel markets unisex clothing, but I couldn’t actually find a unisex section on their website. I did however notice this. The sweatshirts one is particularly illuminating.
Selling men’s clothes to men, and selling women’s bodies to… ?
American Apparel is really fucking horrible for many, many reasons, but here’s another example.
Pointlessly Gendered Items - by Sociological Images (click link for more)
“Evolution is misunderstood by millions. And, it has to be said, a lot of the time, this problem isn’t helped by the way things are reported on the TV or in the news.
These are the 5 most common terms that, when I hear them used, I die a little. Though their effect is subtle, all of these terms perpetrate common myths about the way evolution works. The sooner they become extinct, the better!
1. Survival of the Fittest
Now, this term is something that often gets used synonymously with natural selection. In fact, it wasn’t actually coined by Darwin himself; it was first used by Herbert Spencer, though Darwin later came to use it extensively.
The problem with the phrase “survival of the fittest”, in my view, is that it rather misrepresents the way that selection really works. This is because it isn’t really the survival of the fittest organism that drives evolution. It’s the death of the least fit organism.
I can see how “survival of the fittest” appealed to victorian sensibilities! Instead of implying a brutal, red-in-tooth-and-claw vision of nature, it implies a striving towards self improvement. Which is, it has to be said, appealing. Unfortunately, it’s neither borne out by theory nor facts.
2. Living fossil
This is another very appealing term. Below was the best example I could find after a quick rifle through the drawers here in Leicester. It is a maple leaf next to a modernish mapleish leaf (sycamore). For some much better examples, check out the Living Fossils website” (read more).
(Source: Science 2.0)